the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
