whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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