My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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