Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
