3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
