your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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