arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
