all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
