she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
