apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
