Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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