great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
