oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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