He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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