to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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