I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
