did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
