i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
