We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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