do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
