i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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