She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
