my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
