How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
