just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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