Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
