There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
