it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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