Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
