that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
