I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
