My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
