You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
