I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
