I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
