i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
