I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
