we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
