so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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