this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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