I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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