is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this beer tastes like vomit already
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
