never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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