Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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