Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
