yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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