Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
