I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
