wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
