But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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