who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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