I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
