hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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