I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
