Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
