Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
