Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
