I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
