You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
