I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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