So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
