and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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